I may be a little late to the party here, but let me tell you about this amazing Facebook function where you can search for photos of someone with whom you are no longer friends. My brother showed it to me last night, and we discovered that my ex from five plus year ago is now fat. Anyone who’s not Jesus knows how thrilling that is.

A few months after we broke up, my friend ran into him and told me he had gained weight, but I assumed she was just being nice to me, which I certainly appreciated. Now I have confirmation in the form of pictures from (get this) his graduation. As in, it took him nine years to finish college.

In conclusion I won that breakup.