And other stream-of-consciousness reactions to Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation hearings. (A brief sampling, because I’ve only made it through four hours so far.)
• Grassley: American hero for scheduling a hearing.
• Grassley = Voldemort
• Grassley: “Dick Durbin is my friend so that negates all the horrible things I’m about to say blaming a victim of sexual assault.”
• Whitehouse for president, just because I was born in Rhode Island.
• Olivia Benson would not stand for Rachel Mitchell’s whole deal AT ALL.
• Good job trying to stump a psychologist with a question about her factors for anxiety.
• Who cares if she has other factors that contribute to her anxiety? How does that prove or disprove the veracity of her sexual assault?
• Cory Booker is so cute.
• Booker has a new campaign slogan: Christine Blasey Ford’s courage.
• I am shocked—shocked—that no one has read this carefully worded, so eloquent statement yet.
• Will my face get that bloated if I keep drinking into my 50s?
• Your words have meaning, too, and personally, I would try to ensure that at least 1/10 of them are the truth.
• Oh nice! Rhode Island gets a shoutout.
• Is that Alyssa Milano? I loved Charmed back in the day.
• Who is that pissed-off looking woman sitting behind Kavanaugh? (It’s his wife, apparently.) Doesn’t look like she believes a word of this bullshit.
• Of COURSE you’re an only child.
• You’re tearing up about the lies you tell your ten year old. So excited that you’re a father.
• I wouldn’t brag too hard about your service to Bush. You know what people think of him, right? I know he’s off painting in a meadow, but people are still dying in the wars he started.
• Brett crying about his dad keeping diaries made me think his dad was dead, which still isn’t an excuse for him raping someone. Turns out he’s not. I’m so confused. Why is he crying about his dad’s diaries?
• Brett took the SATs, therefore he’s not a rapist.
• “Going to church was like brushing my teeth.”
• Guess lawn-cutting wasn’t like brushing your teeth?
• “I had lots of female friends, and they all have white-girl names.”
• “I am lying so hard about this yearbook reference and not in a very sensical way.”
• Centralmaine.com: journalistic integrity since white people were alive.
• Look at all the privileged-person experiences I have had. I went to Madison Square Garden.”
• His wife looks like a super pissed Maura Tierney.
• “So sad, I will never be a little league parent ever again. This ruins my WASP dreams.”
• “Just so ya know, Senator Feinstein, I know you’re a woman so I’ll yell at you.”
• “Sorry to interrupt, but you’re a Democrat so I don’t care at all.”
• I kept diaries in high school too. Are they evidence that I did or didn’t rape someone?
• Crazy coincidence: We took BAC charts to parties at my school, too.
• Did he keep the BAC chart in his diary?
• Leahy = MVP
• Lindsey Graham: “I would never do to Kagan and Sotomayor what you’re doing because we had a minority then. See asterisk: Merrick Garland.”
• Kavanaugh is defending himself worse than I did when I hid Flinstone vitamins under my dresser when I was six.