First, a special shoutout to the Apple Store employee who walked my grandfather and his girlfriend through the really pleasurable experience of purchasing iPhones a.k.a. “the most patient man in the world.”

This past weekend, my mother and I visited my grandfather (E) and his girlfriend (S) in Florida, an ideal place to vacation in July. My father, who was not present and thus did not have to deal with the consequences of his actions, suggested they buy iPhones, these 90-year-olds who previously had flip phones that they never turned on and kept in the car at all times. (See future posts for notes on their driving.)

We spent 3.5 hours at the Apple Store, during which the following things were said:

(In attempt to sign on the screen): “Can I start over?”

(In response to “It’s free to make and receive calls”): “Can I call Europe?”

“If we’re keeping our phone numbers do we have to give new numbers to everybody?”

“Why are we doing this?”

Here are some things E and S do not know:

-Their social security numbers

-Where their licenses are

-Their zip code

-The difference between an email address and a password

-Any of their passwords

-Where they put their chargers

Day 2 resulted in another trip to the Apple store and then Verizon, because, of course, something went wrong. It was between these two stores that I had a meltdown with real tears.